no/body

Photo by Velizar Ivanov on Unsplash

Does imagination have a home within the body? My brain, the centrifuge: constant spinning is necessary to distill the inflow of thought into compactable, categorical units of Idea; once solid these can be mortared with sandy, sticky Experience into the dubious tower of Self-hood from which I view the world. I am familiar with this process, I can feel it happening. Imagination, though, is both the only place I feel at home within myself, and a place outside of me. It is my refuge, my escape, some trans-spiritual wavelength beyond this buzzing coil. This should be alarming. I am surprised every time I accidentally find my[physical]self—in a mirror, or catching a protrusion of environment with a hip or toe or shoulder; like I forget between times that this beautiful, chaotic brain that I think is me requires a house, a solid-but-squishy case of stretch marks, muscle, veins, and laugh lines. It is rarely a pleasant surprise.

This baggy-eyed, frizzy-haired, lumpy-bodied person is not the me that exists in my secret hideaway. There, I am always strong enough to best the monster, pretty and powerful enough to get what I want, confident enough to know what that is. The discrepancy is unnerving when I come face-to-face with her, and so I hide behind criticism. I look so tired, what’s wrong with me? My jaw is too heavy, I’m going to end up with jowls like Grandma if I don’t do something. Ugh, I’m so fat, so fat, so fat. Disgusting. Hopeless. Unfixable…I must be a lost cause, or else I would be working harder, eating less, sleeping more…Ugly lies mask as well as pretty ones, and do not invite scrutiny as readily; for someone desperate to camouflage any part of myself likely to make me stand out (read: target), self-shaming is the fastest means to the end.

Shame lives in my gut, my body tells me. Not just the gut that digests my daily intake of food and emotional input (the “second brain” they call it, for good reason), but the gut that conceives of hunches and births the Knowing; the High Seat of Wisdom Herself. Also called the Manipura Chakra, this is the area of the body from which the Dragon springs. According to yogi Ram Jain,

The Manipura Chakra spreads the fire element in your body which brings energy, warmth, and light. This is also the energy center of the samana vayu or samana prana, which is the energy of digestion. Intellect, ego, willpower, and aggression are also common qualities of the third chakra¹.

A writer with Sedona Mago Retreats adds that this chakra is also “associated with feelings of creativity, confidence, and self-expression.” Healing this chakra is apparently essential for realizing my full potential in the world, but it is often blocked by shame connected to old wounds². I know this to be true for me. This is, perhaps, the time to learn more about the chakras and how to work with them. For instance:

Each chakra builds off of one another. Where your root chakra can be influenced by your early presence in this world and the connection with your parents; the sacral chakra is your first connection to others and your ability to give and receive love. Your solar plexus chakra is all about your relationship with yourself. In order for you to feel confident and connected to who you are, you have to have a good foundation and be open to giving and receiving love. Therefore, your connection to your first and second chakra, or lack thereof, can significantly affect your connection to your third chakra³.