Yearling, part 2
And now to continue my review of the past year…
December 28th, 2023
This one…damn. I rushed it a bit because it was a lot to get through and I try to keep the free posts shorter and easier to read, but it summed up my winter perfectly. I need symbols like the wreath to hold on to, anchors in the ever-flowing stream of life. I will never again make a wreath without bringing to it, in a more conscious way, all that I have learned from the previous year and all my hopes for the coming one. (And I did, finally, buy that new box of matches.)
January 12, 2023
I wrote this first as a letter in response to an old friend who had written me a very long epistle on the nature of Truth. My husband (to whom I always turn to screen my more passionate responses) said I shouldn’t send it, but I should use it as my next post. He was right (he usually is, it’s annoying). It got better with rewriting, my thoughts came together more clearly. I summed it up with these words, which I would personally benefit from rereading every day of my life:
Who, then, has Truth? All of us, to the extent that we have allowed ourselves to fall into that “real self,” the part of us where God lives and loves through us and in us. Who is without Truth? All of us, again, to the extent that we insist on holding on to what we think we know instead of opening our minds to the possibility that we might have got it wrong, which is the only mindset that allows for growth and maturity.
February 15, 2023
This post was a Valentine’s gift to myself, a rumination on a quote my husband had used in his card to me: “To love someone long term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be.” That still feels more like love to me than anything else. When it comes to reparenting yourself, though, you don’t just attend the funerals. You also have to live with the ghosts. It’s a process that kind of defines the word, poignant. I love that word, it’s so softly sharp, so hard and wistful. It is a beautiful pain.
And finally,
March 22, 2023
“Love (and other divinities)” felt like coming full circle. What started with a story about a woman and an umbrella ended with a moment of desperate uncertainty about the wisdom of letting go of that which I believed for so long would keep me safe. I have a need to burrow down this hole now and then, to check the validity of my decision and the direction I have chosen. It is always uncomfortable, but necessary, I have decided. I need to know that I know what I Know. What I Know is that I could not stay. What I Know is that I believe in a Divine Being who is good and benevolent and more accepting of me than I am, believe so deeply in the existence and presence of this Being that I was—and still am—willing to leave behind everything I thought I knew, everything I was taught, about God in pursuit of this One From Whom All Beauty Flows. I Know that this is a journey I will continue for the rest of my life, and wherever it takes me will be good. Perhaps not always comfortable, but ultimately wise and beautiful. I have decided, again, to trust this Knowing and continue.
April 5th, 2023
Which brings us to now. Again, thank you for reading. Thank you for staying the course. And now, it’s your turn. What post or posts from the last year have meant the most to you? Or, made you think differently about something? Or, felt incomplete? Will you take a moment to tell me about them? Is there any topic you would like to see me write about, or write more about? There is another year of writing ahead, fifty-two more weeks of posts. That’s the magic of words, of stories, isn’t it? They could lead absolutely anywhere!